


Trusting Hearts

by Taurnil



Series: A Prelude to Erebor [1]
Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anal Play, Anal Sex, BlondKíli, Coming Out, F/M, Fingerfucking, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, Gen, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Prostitution, References to Molestation, Swearing, snuggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-03 22:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taurnil/pseuds/Taurnil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on the challenge: Kíli seeks Fíli’s help and advice when he decides to “Come Out” to Thorin and Dís. It can be as heart-warming or as funny as you want. Must include some brotherly snuggles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Fíli walked into the hall to find his little brother exactly where he had left him: Leaning against the wall, chewing on the skin of his thumb with a fearful look in his eyes. Fíli walked over smiling and placed his arm around Kíli’s shoulder. 

“Here,” He said handing his brother a tankard of ale. Kíli graciously accepted and began to down the cold drink. 

“Thank-you,” He said gasping, pulling away from his drink only when he needed air. 

“I thought you would need it,” Fíli replied. He looked at his brother’s eyes once more. The fear he saw there exceeded all the times Kíli had charged into battle or even when he had been taken prisoner by goblins. There had been few occasions when he had seen his little brother this afraid and he had never seen him look this nervous. “Its going to be alright,” Said Fíli, pulling his brother into a tight embrace. 

“But what if its not?” Kíli asked, stuttering slightly, returning the embrace with a tight grip. “What if they send me away?”

“They will not do that Kíli.”

“But if they do-“

“They will not!”

“If!” Kíli said firmly, pulling away from his brother. “If they do I have a plan.” Fíli did not want to encourage his brother’s pessimistic attitude but was curious to here what his ‘plan’ was.

“What is it then?” He asked. “What’s the plan?”

“I’m going to pack up what I can before they kill me,” He started. “Then I’ll travel to Bree, hunting in the wilderness to survive the journey. When I get there I can sell my hair, then I travel to the Iron Hills where no-body will recognise me and I can start my new life.” Fíli did not want to laugh at his brother but he had to, his irrational thoughts were so foolish and somewhat adorable. He burst out laughing and clasped his brother roughly on the shoulder, ignoring the pained expression on his face. 

“I promise you that you will not have to resort to that,” Fíli gasped out through sniggers. “Now come on, the more we stand out here the harder it’ll be to speak when you face them. So lets go and get this over with, alright?” Kíli nodded and stepped forward slowly reaching for the door handle. He hesitated, his hand shaking and turned to his brother. 

“Would you come with me?” He asked. 

“What?” Said Fíli slightly confused. 

“If they turn me away,” Kíli explained. “Would you come with me?” Fíli looked at his brother with absolute seriousness and brushed the yellow strands of hair that had strayed from Kíli’s braids out of his little brother’s eyes. 

“I will follow you where ever you go Kíli,” He said. “I will always love you and I’ll always be here to protect you.” Kíli smiled. That was all he needed to hear. Once again he reached for the door handle, much more confident then he had been a minute ago. “Are you sure you are ready for this?” Fíli asked. Kíli nodded.

“It’s now or never,” He said. Together the two brothers entered the room where their mother, father and Uncle Thorin were sitting together. They had been drinking their ale and listening to Thorin tell a story about his last patrol. When she heard her son’s come in Dís gestured for them to come and sit down with the elders. When they didn’t she looked up. They all did. The elders went quiet, confused by the pained expression on Kíli’s face. Gently Fíli nudged his little brother forward to try and encourage him to speak. 

“Mother, father... Thorin,” Kíli began. “There is something I need to tell you...” 

*****  
It had all started round about last year when Fíli had been sitting on Kíli’s bed polishing his favourite dagger. Kíli had gone out a while ago, presumably with the maiden he had mentioned a few times over the past few weeks. Kíli had not told Fíli about her but he had seen them together roughly a mouth ago holding hands outside their favourite tavern. He had tried to discuss it with Kíli, curious and a little over protective as any big brother would have been about the situation, but Kíli just blushed and refused to say anything. Fíli was, at the time, impressed that his brother was such a gentleman yet still frustrated to be left in the dark.

But Fíli was not thinking about Kíli as he caressed his blade; at least not until his little brother stormed into their room, faced flushed and hair dishevelled. Fíli looked up, his hands not moving from his dagger.

“Something is wrong with me!” Kíli exclaimed. 

“Wrong how?” Fíli asked nonchalantly, assuming his brother was being over dramatic about something. Kíli opened his mouth as if to speak, but instead spluttered several incoherent noises and began to pace around their room. “Well?” Fíli asked eventually. Kíli sat down next to his brother, his face in his hands. 

“I was with... her,” He said to his palms. 

“Your girl?” Fíli asked. Kíli nodded. “And... Did something happen?” Kíli nodded again. “Something embarrassing?” Kíli moaned and lay down, curling his legs up to his chest. Fíli laughed and placed his dagger down carefully on the table next to the bed. “Don’t fret too much brother, things like that happen to us all.” He assumed the problem was of a sexual nature from Kíli’s blush and decided that if the problem was what he thought it was he did not want to make Kíli say it out loud. 

“But... Its more than just this,” Kíli said quietly. 

“Did the same thing happen last time?” Said Fíli, pulling a chair over so his brother would have more room. 

“There has not been a ‘last time,’” Kíli admitted quietly, his skin going redder. “There has not even been... a ‘first time’...” Fíli’s eye-brows rose.

“Oh!” He exclaimed. “So your still a ..?” Kíli nodded, his eyes refusing to meet his brother’s. “But I thought things were going well between you two. I thought your subtlety meant that you were; well, ‘very active!’” He thought that was the politest way of putting it. 

“Well we aren’t!” Kíli half-yelled back. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” 

“Kíli there has never been, nor will there ever be, any shame in being a virgin,” Fíli explained. “At some point in our lives we are all virgins. I was one once.”

“Years ago!”

“Well I am older.”

“Only five years older!” Kíli groaned before falling back onto the bed. “We never talked about it.” Kíli explained. “I mean, we kiss all the time and sometimes we...well...touch each other. Not our secrets or anything, she just likes to put my hands on her breasts when we are alone.” Fíli thought about the way Kíli had worded that, confused slightly. “But I’d never considered doing anything else with her. I just thought it would go on into a courtship when we were ready and if we fell in love I’d marry her. Then I’d think about that sort of thing. But today she... well...”

“She wanted to,” Fíli finished.

“Yes,” Kíli replied quietly. 

“And you never have?” Kíli shook his head.

“I’ve wanted to lose my virginity,” He admitted. “I mean, you have and all of our friends have.”

“They say they have Kíli,” Said Fíli laughing. “There’s a difference!”

“But I’ve never thought about the actual act,” Kíli continued. “Not with Arya or anybody else. But today, we were in the forest and out of no-where she starts taking off her clothes. I asked her what she was doing but all she said was that she wanted me to touch her.”

“And?” Fíli knew it was wrong but he did want to know details. He did not particularly enjoy the thought of his little brother having sex but he had to admit that Arya was quite attractive and had the most wonderful pair of... He was getting sidetracked. 

“I touched her breasts,” Said Kíli nervously. “They felt different bare, but I touched them the same as I would if they were inside her clothes. Then she took one of my hands and placed it in-between her legs... Are girls always that wet Fíli?” Fíli could not help but laugh at his brother’s innocence. 

“No little brother,” He explained. “They are not always wet. If they are wet it means that they like you very much.”

“That explains why she got so mad at me next...” Kíli’s nervousness seemed to have subsided slightly; but the fear still rested in his eyes. “She placed her hand on the front on my trousers... on my... you know.”

“Yes.”

“And... Well... She said I was supposed to be hard.” Fíli sighed and moved back over onto the bed, taking his brother into a comforting embrace. 

“Its all right Kíli,” He said, patting his back lightly. “As I said, it happens to us all.” Kíli returned the hug, grateful for the sympathy. 

“Are men supposed to get hard before they make love Fíli?” Kíli asked. Fíli would have thought his brother was joking if his voice had not been so earnest. 

“Come on now Kíli!” He exclaimed, pulling back to look at his brother’s eyes. “Do not tell me that you have never gotten hard. You may not have much of a beard yet but you are well past the point of starting development. Do not pretend you have never given yourself pleasure. Everyone does at some point in their lives and those who say they have not are lying!” It took Fíli a matter of seconds to realise he should not be talking about masturbation so bluntly with his brother. He wanted to apologise for making things awkward, but Kíli did not seem too bothered by it. 

Kíli was in fact grateful for his brother’s openness on the subject. His Uncle Thorin has explained these things to him when he was younger but had never gone into the detail he needed. And he could never talk to his parents about this sort of problem!

“I’m not saying I’ve never done that,” Said Kíli. “But when I am kissing Arya or doing anything else with her... She has never made me hard.” Fíli resisted the urge to laugh. He was supposed to be being sensitive. “And when I am helping myself I never think about her.”

“Well Kíli,” He said slowly as the awkwardness returned. “If she does not make you... hard... then you probably won’t love her no matter how much time you spend together. And you probably won’t marry her.”

“I did not think I would anymore anyway,” Kíli admitted. “After today I don’t think I could ever look at her again.” He smiled for the first time and pulled his brother close. 

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Said Fíli. “Nothing whatsoever; you are young and the right time will come to you. Only when you are ready for it.”

“Thank-you Fíli,” Kíli said softly, “You’re the best!”

“Anytime,” Fíli said hugging his brother back. “And if that will be all.” He rose and jumped up onto his own bed that hung just above Kíli’s. He took out his book from under his pillow and began to read, desperate to forget the awkward conversation he had just had with his little brother.


	2. Chapter 2

The topic did not come up again for a few days afterwards. Fíli had been sitting outside eating his breakfast in the morning light. His Uncle had taken both Kíli and himself on a patrol for a few days along with a few of their companions. Kíli had risen later than the rest of the dwarves, but there was nothing unusual about this. Kíli was still young and not fully used to being on the road. In fact if it were up to Dís she would have kept Kíli at home safe until he was at least seventy-five. But Thorin insisted that times were dangerous and it were best his sister-sons learnt about the world as soon as they were able. 

Fíli smiled to himself as he watched his little brother stand up slowly from his bed-roll and stagger over to him. Deciding to be sympathetic rather than irritating this particular morning Fíli went to fetch Kíli’s breakfast for him. 

“Good morning little brother,” Said Fíli, sitting down next to Kíli and handing him a bowl of porridge. Kíli accepted the meal and smiled as a thank-you, but did not say anything in return. “Did you sleep well?” Fíli asked. His little brother nodded, but again remained silent. Fíli noticed immediately that something was worrying his little brother as Kíli was often far from quiet. However he did not want to rule out the possibility that Kíli was too hungry to talk over food so decided to leave the younger to his breakfast and ask him about it later. 

Later came and passed. Thorin ordered them to pack up straight after all the dwarves had finished eating. The road home was rough with rain drenching them throughout the journey. Thorin kept his eldest sister-son busy, sending him scout ahead or ride next to him as one of his guards. Fíli did not have time to say two words to his brother let alone have a heart to heart with him. The best he could do was occasionally looking over at Kíli just to make sure he was alright. He had started talking and even smiling, but whenever he wasn’t distracted he rode forward with the same troubled expression, as if he were thinking hard about something dangerous. 

It was evening before the company stopped again and all Fíli really wanted to do was collapse on his bed roll and fall asleep instantly. But he knew it was his duty as a big brother to listen to Kíli and help him with any problems he might have, whether they were related to the training he had previously begged Thorin for or whether they were of a more personal and private nature. At the end of it all Fíli did not really mind. In fact he was flattered when Kíli came to him for advice; it made him feel proud that he had earned his little brothers trust. Maybe that was why it irritated him that Kíli had not told him what was wrong this morning?

Either way he had to approach him now. Fíli strode over to his brother who was sitting alone on his bedroom wearing the same expression he had had that morning.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” Fíli asked bluntly, sitting down next to Kíli, crossing his legs to show that he was not going anywhere for a while. “You’ve been moping around all day. What is it?” Kíli said nothing. “Do you miss Mama?” Kíli shook his head. “Are you ill?” He received the same response. “Then what is it? Do not lie to me Kee you know I will see through you!” Kíli blushed and looked down, studying his boots. 

“It’s about Arya...” He whispered at last.

“Ah,” Fíli replied. He thought this might happen eventually. “You miss her?”

“No,” Said Kíli. “I do not want her, at least not as my mate. I just thought that maybe I owed her an apology.”

“For what?” Fíli asked, slightly shocked. Why should Kíli apologise, she was the one who had cornered a boy who clearly was not ready for that kind of intimacy. 

“For what I did to her,” Said Kíli. “I ran away after what happened. It must have been just as embarrassing to her.” 

“Well she was the one who wanted to,” Fíli pointed out. “As you said, she just took off her clothes and expected you to go along. Why should you apologise?”

“I know not Fíli... But I have to do something; I cannot stop thinking about it.” Kíli began to chew on his thumb, something he always did when he was nervous. 

“I do understand Kíli, believe me,” Said Fíli. Truthfully he did not, but neither did he know what to say to Kíli. Desperate to make his little brother feel better Fíli thought about where they were going and something he particularly loved about the village they would be passing through. “You know Kíli; there is one sure way to stop thinking about a girl. Do you know what it is?” Kíli shook his head. “It’s to find another girl. Tomorrow when we settle in the town I can take you too this amazing brothel. Good prices, clean whores, it’s my favourite.” Kíli raised an eye-brow at his brother, slightly disturbed by him talking about whore-houses like taverns or toffee-shops. 

“I’d rather not Fíli,” He said slowly. “If it’s all the same to you.”

“Why not?” Fíli was getting tired; he was going in circles with this. “Why can you not just tell me what’s wrong?”

“So you think something’s wrong with me!” Kíli stood up, his hand on his sword- although he had no real intentions of drawing it.

“For Mahal’s sake Kíli sit down!” Fíli pinched the bridge of his long nose. “I’m not saying something is wrong with you. But you admitted the other day that you did not like Arya that much, so why is it unacceptable to try and find another woman for you?”

“Because I refuse to endure the same humiliation again!”

The two brothers said nothing for a while. They just stared at each other, large blue eyes meeting fierce brown ones, each filled with a stubbornness that refused to back down. Eventually Kíli lowered his head, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. A chill of fear ran up Fíli’s spine- His brother never cried! 

Kee,” He said eventually, standing up and grasping Kíli’s shoulders, lifting his face up to look at him. “You do not need to bully yourself over this. Arya is in the past now. I know this must all be confusing for you but-“

“I’m not confused brother!” Kíli exclaimed in a harsh whisper. Fíli wracked his brain for something to say. Anything would have done. But in both regret and thanks he did not have the chance. 

“To bed boys,” Their Uncle called. “I’ll not have you complaining of early light tomorrow. Fíli sighed, bowing before his elder. Ever since he had become one of Thorin’s warriors he had gone back to ordering his sister-sons as if they were children. 

“It’ll be alright Kíli,” Fíli whispered as they walked towards their bedrolls. “I promise.” Kíli smiled but it was clear he did not believe him. Fíli wondered why Kíli had given up on finding the perfect woman over one bad experience. Surely there must be some women that he found attractive. Fíli stopped in his trail of thought when he could no longer hear his little brother walking behind him. 

The first thing he saw when he turned around was Dwalin, stretching before settling down for the first watch. It was a warm night and he had removed his shirt. Fíli shuddered, no-one wanted to see those weird piercings and impulsive tattoos. Next Fíli looked at his brother. Then back at Dwalin. 

“Kíli?” His brother jumped slightly. 

“Oh sorry Fíli,” He said blushing. He hurried past his brother and laid down in his bedroll.

Fíli laid down beside him, folding his hands above his head, thinking about his argument with his brother and what he had just seen. 

*****

“No Fíli I really do not think-“

“Please Kíli just bare with me,” Said Fíli as he pulled his brother down the filthy corridor. “Just trust me alright?” It was clear from Kíli’s stern face that he did not. Fíli could not help but laugh at those big blue eyes, that he had seen tear at a scraped knee as they stared at him like he were a dangerous orc.

“I told you the other night that I did not want to,” Kíli said as loudly as he dared. He had. Fíli had thought a lot about that night. Part of his mind, probably the logical side, knew that he was jumping to conclusions. There was a good chance that his little brother would be decapitating him by the end of the evening. But if it gave Kíli peace of mind then he would live with it. Or die with it. 

Fíli stopped at the end of the hallway next to a large blue door.

“Now Kíli,” He said turning to his brother. “All I want you to do is go in.” Kíli found a smile from somewhere. 

“Look Fíli,” He said with less reluctance. “I know you mean well but I meant what I said.” 

“I know you did,” Fíli replied. “This is why I think it’s important that you go in there.” Fíli leaned against the door and took a long hard look at his baby brother. Kíli had grown up so fast. Fíli still remembered the night, even thought he was just a baby himself, when he had walked into his parents room way past midnight to see his mother sitting up in bed with a little red monster sucking at her breast. He remembered climbing onto the bed and looking at its small ugly face. And he would always remember what his mother said to him. 

‘Remember Fíli,’ Dís had said. ‘You are the oldest. There will be many times when Kíli will need your help, he will need you to teach him things and look after him. As a big brother it is you job to protect him and keep him from harm.’ 

Fíli liked to think he had kept his promise to his mother. But he would not have been able to say he had if he had let Kíli go on thinking that there was something wrong with him, that he would never meet the right person. 

“Kíli,” Fíli said again. “I know that when you go in there, there is a very good chance that you will come straight back out and punch me in the face for making assumptions. And if that’s what you want to do I’ll let you. But please, I’m asking as your brother. Just go in.” Kíli looked, partially confused, but mostly suspicious. 

“What’s in there?” He asked cautiously. Fíli just grinned. 

“You’ll have to go in to find out!”

Kíli rolled his eyes and reached for the handle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm evil :P Chapter three will be up by Sunday at the latest!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .... I've got nothing...

Kíli left his brother behind and cautiously entered the room. He immediately turned and pressed his ear against the door, listening to Fíli’s heavy footsteps fading into the night. A sinking feeling came to his chest. He was alone. Kíli turned slowly and admired the wastefully spacious room. It was not really that bad. There was a large clean bed in the centre, large enough for four dwarves if the situation called for it, and the entire room was lit with more candles than Kíli could count. It smelt much nicer than Kíli had expected; like lavenders mixed with wild hydrangeas. The smell reminded Kíli of the spring fields and for a small moment he forgot he had been dragged into a brothel by his crazed older brother.

Kíli’s trance was interrupted when a young slight dwarf entered from what was presumably a wash room. Kíli stood still for a moment, as if any sudden movements would trigger an attack. When the dwarf eventually noticed Kíli he smiled brightly and bowed before the confused youth. 

“Good evening!” He said cheerfully, “You must be Kíli.”

“Y-yes,” Kíli stuttered, startled by the appearance of his companion. He was much, much taller than Kíli and dressed in fine blue robes. His clear skin was fairer than Kíli’s and although his hair was also yellow; it was more exotic, like it had been mingled with light auburn. 

“I am Varya.” Kíli bowed in politeness yet something caught his tongue, preventing him from forming the appropriate formal greetings. Not that his mind was currently capable of forming words. Varya took off his jacket and sat down on the bed. “How old are you?” He asked.

“Seventy-two,” Kíli answered. He peered around the room as he spoke, blushing furiously. 

“Are you looking for something?” Varya asked with a smile. 

“Well...” Said Kíli nervously. “Is a... woman supposed to turn up?” Varya looked as confused as Kíli for about a second, and then he suddenly burst out laughing. This was not a regular occurrence but it happened often enough for him to grasp onto what was happening. The men liked to play these stupid jokes on each other on occasion, dwarves not so much but this was certainly not the first time. Not that it mattered to him. To him it just meant a night off with full pay. Kíli on the other hand had no idea what was going on. 

“I am sorry but I’m slightly confused,” Said Kíli. ‘Slightly’ was of course an understatement. “What exactly do you do here?” 

“Well... I am a whore,” Varya replied, as casually as if he had confessed to being a toymaker or a craftsman. Kíli could not deny that he was slightly taken aback by the statement. Why would a man need to be a whore?

Straight away he chided himself for being narrow-minded. Women may have different duties and roles than men, most of the time anyway, but they must have the same desires and urges. Arya certainly did! But even if this were true, why had Fíli taken him to this room?

The most likely explanation was that he was in the wrong room. It was a simple enough mistake to make, even if Fíli was familiar with the brothel. But then if he was in the wrong room then how did Varya know his name? Well it must have been nothing but coincidence. His name was not exactly common and although he had thought it was male; if a parent liked that name they would use it for their little girl. But Kíli did not look like a girl! At least he did not think so. If it were a man who stood before him, blinded by the rumour that dwarf-women also grew beards, then he could maybe understand it. So many questions were begging to be asked. Kíli did not know where to begin. 

“How did you know my name?” The seemed an appropriate place to begin. 

“Your brother told me,” Varya replied. “When he bought me for you last night.” Kíli’s large eyes slowly grew to the size of dinner plates. 

“Wh-Why would Fíli buy me... a-a- a man!” Kíli stuttered. His shaking body, along with the innocence in his eyes told Varya that this was not meant as a joke. Varya did not, in his personal desires, have a preference for males. But he had seen enough young, confused men and male dwarves come to him, of their own accord and the encouragement of others, to recognise that weight of the world on Kíli’s shoulders. 

Dwarves, unlike elves and men, were not fully against these kinds of relations. But he doubted that Kíli would have been told about such things. Such relationships would occur behind closed doors, away from prying eyes and gossiping mouths. If this young dwarf was who his brother had claimed he was, what they both were, then there was no way anybody in his family would have explained that not every man wished to find a woman or a wife. Fíli had only learnt about it from being a regular at the brothel. He had been somewhat disturbed at first, but had soon learnt that it was no more a choice than his desire to love women. 

Varya sat down on the bed and took his boots off to relax the atmosphere. 

“Look Kíli, I’m not here to pressure you,” He said Calmly. Varya took a bottle of whisky out of his top drawer and poured a glass for Kíli and himself. “Since I am already booked, by your brother, at the end of the night I still get paid whether we fu-... err... Do anything or not. So how about we just talk. How does that sound?” Kíli did not move. He just stood there, staring into space, trying to avoid eye contact with Varya at all costs. Varya handed him his drink and patted the spot on the bed just besides him. Kíli sat down, albeit warily, and downed his drink in one swift mouthful. 

“Tell me my friend,” Said Varya, replenishing Kíli’s glass. “Why did your brother feel the need to treat you to whore in the first place?” Kíli blushed yet again and drank a large mouthful of the whiskey. “You need not tell me anything you do not wish to,” Varya continued. “But here we have a rule. No woman or man who works here must speak a word to anyone about anything that occurs within our rooms. We are bound to secrecy and the penalties that I would receive for telling your secrets would not be worth anything you confess. So please, do not fear me. I am not your enemy.” Kíli took another sip of his drink and finally looked into Varya’s honest eyes. 

Kíli did not know why, but for some reasons he now felt safe here. It might have been the confusion or it might have been the drink. In his heart he liked to think that it was because he knew that his brother would never lead him to a place of harm.

Kíli downed that rest of his second glass for courage before pouring his entire heart out bit by bit. After only a few more glasses of whiskey he ended up telling Varya everything, about Arya, what had happened between them and even what Kíli had said to his brother the other night and the few nights before they had left with their Uncle. He spoke of the girls he had seen before Arya and about how they had made him feel. Varya said nothing in response; he just sat there nodding and listening. Kíli carried on for at least ten whole minutes, not sparing any embarrassing details. Kíli could not have said why he had done it, not fully at least. Part of him just liked the thought that Varya would never judge him. But he also felt a sense of relief in his heart as he confessed things freely. He knew that he could unload his troubles on this stranger before walking out and never seeing him again, only leaving behind a weight he did not even know he had been carrying. 

When Kíli was finally done he had to pause to catch his breath. Finally Varya sighed and replenished both their glasses, finished off the bottle. 

“So tell me,” Varya said at last, breaking the rather uncomfortable silence. “Why do you truly feel like you will never find your one? Your bonded?” 

“Like I have said,” Kíli replied, in a rather frustrated manner. “I have tried to find a girl; I’ve kissed more girls than I can count. But none of them give me the excitement my elders told me I would feel when I find my one. The flying feeling, the warmth in my chest. And I have yet to meet a woman I am truly drawn to. I have seen beautiful women; I have enjoyed looking at them, so why can I not find one that makes my heart blush?” 

“If that is how you feel,” Said Varya in a manner far too casual for Kíli’s liking. “Then what do you think of in the night when you touch yourself?” Kíli spluttered and coughed up the rest of his drink. 

“I...I...,” He coughed again. “I never really think of...well... anything. Or anyone for that matter.” Varya got up to get a bottle of gin from the other side of the room. It seemed he could not think of anything else to do but drink. Or maybe he wanted Kíli drunk?

“So no girl has ever really made you hard?” Kíli shook his head. “Do you think that is why your brother thought you would prefer a boy?” Kíli could not deny that it took him a few moments to catch on to what Varya really meant. When he did his eyes shot open and his mouth gaped like a fish out of water. 

“What!” Kíli yelled loudly. Varya waited patiently, watching the blue eyes get bigger and bigger as full realisation finally dawned. “What do you mean?” He asked his voice filled with both anger and confusion. “How... Why... Can... How can...?” He truly did not know what he was trying to ask. Varya picked up on a few things Kíli was trying to say and decided to run with one. 

“There are many ways men can share each others flesh Kíli,” He said with a strange smile. “If you are feeling adventurous I could show you a few?” Kíli looked once more into Varya’s eyes. Then down at the floor. The drink was making his head spin. Or maybe that was Varya. He approached the younger dwarf slowly and took his rather small hands in his. “There is no shame here Kíli.” He knelt. “There is no judgement. No-one needs to find out about this, not even your brother. If you do not like the idea then you are more than welcome to leave. But I can tell you are curious. Even if this is not you, I can tell that you think something is wrong. Will you give me a chance to prove that there is nothing wrong?” Kíli did not get up to leave or even look up from the floor. But neither did he push Varya or his hands away. “I am going to kiss you Kíli. Would that be alright?” Kíli finally looked up. He saw Varya’s handsome face, the beautiful hair and neatly braided beard. He looked him up and down, admiring the bulky torso and strong arms. Slowly he nodded. 

Varya gently pressed his lips to Kíli’s. He did not push or even purse. He just brushed them together gently. The boy did not flinch and even leaned in slightly. This was a good start. Cautiously Varya nestled a hand in Kíli’s wild hair and pushed him closer. Kíli followed, like a student to a teacher. He forgot about all the girls he had kissed and what he had done with them. They did not seem to matter now. Gently Varya pressed the tip of his tongue past Kíli’s lips and was surprised to find Kíli accepting him so enthusiastically. He was even more surprised when he let out a moan and wrapped his arms around Varya’s waist. 

Varya smiled to himself within the kiss. Drink had the power to bring out the best in people.

Kíli pushed his tongue deeper into Varya’s mouth, forgetting all of his confusion and all about Arya. Just for this moment. For this moment he did not care what would happen or what people would think of him. All that mattered was that this was the best kiss he had ever had in his life. Suddenly Varya pulled away, Kíli’s lips following his. Kíli’s face was yet again flushed, but not from nerves. His breathe came in pants and his eyes were going dark. 

“Are you hard now Kíli?” Varya asked, although there was really no need. “Does kissing me make you randy?” Varya let go of Kíli’s hand and pushed his against Kíli’s groin. He let out a moan and thrust upwards. “Would you like me to make you come Kíli?” Kíli leaned back and fell onto the bed, his arms thrown over the head. Varya chuckled to himself. He had to admit that he did look rather adorable. He began to rub Kíli’s hardness through his trousers. He asked again. “Would you like to come?” 

“Yes!” Kíli screamed. “Yes, please! Let me come, please Varya!” Varya stopped his teasing and swiftly undid Kíli’s lacings with only a few flicks of his wrist. Gently, so as not to scare the boy, he lowered his head between his legs and ran his tongue up the Prince’s member. 

Immediately Kíli bucked up and moaned into the night. 

“Did that feel good Kíli?” Varya asked, rolling Kíli’s balls in his free hand. 

“Yes,” Kíli gasped out again. “Do it again, please?” Varya did as he was told and lowered his mouth once more, this time taking Kíli deep into his throat. Kíli thrashed about on the bed, groaning loudly. Varya rolled his eyes. Could this kid get any louder? He began to hum around Kíli’s member, moving his mouth up and down, taking him down into the back of his throat over and over again, running his tongue along the underside of Kíli’s cock. Kíli’s legs began to quiver and he bucked up into the hot wet cavern. It felt good. So good. Too good. 

With one hard thrust he grasped the sheets around him and yelled his orgasm out into the night. 

*****

Fíli lay on his bed at the tavern, pretending to read. In truth he had not turned a page in about half an hour. He was too worried about Kíli. It had been hours so he must have stayed. But what had happened? Fíli was exhausted but knew he could not go to bed. Kíli would defiantly have something to say when he got back. 

Just as he eyes began to flutter shut of their own accord he heard the door open. Fíli immediately shot up, the book falling to the floor- forgotten. Fíli watched his baby brother as he stood before him, his face as still as stone. Fíli did not speak. He just waited for his brother to say his peace. Eventually Kíli sighed and kicked off his boots and threw his jacket onto the floor. He turned to his brother with only one thing to say. 

“You know you are a cunt right?” 

Fíli let his face fall into his hands.

“I am so sorry Kíli,” He half sobbed. “I just saw you looking at Dwalin that night and I thought... I do not know what I thought...” He looked up, his eyes begging for forgiveness. Kíli saw the look in his brother’s eyes and sat down besides him, pulling him into a long hug. Fíli wrapped his arms around Kíli and stroked his back, burying his face into his hair. “I’m sorry Kíli,” He whispered again. Kíli pulled back and brushed his brother’s braids out of his eyes. 

“No Fíli,” He said slowly. “I said you were a cunt... I never said you were wrong.” Fíli let out a sigh of relief. 

“Oh Kíli,” Fíli said slowly. “Are you alright? Did you....”

“No, we did not ‘do it,’ if that’s what your asking.” He shot Fíli a dark look. Fíli nodded and looked down again. “But... I am meeting him again tomorrow night.” Fíli closed his eyes and saw once more his baby brother. The silly little thing who used to mess up his toys and grab at his clothes with sticky fingers. The small boy who would climb into his bed when he had a nightmare and huddle into him, his arms tight around his waist. The child whose first understandable noise was a shrieked: “Fíli!” Followed by a sloppy kiss. Fíli looked up and saw the blue eyes that had looked into his all those times. 

“Thank-you Fíli,” Kíli said at last. 

“Why?” Fíli asked. “What for?” 

“I would... never have known if it was not for you.” Fíli smiled and took Kíli’s hand. 

“It was my pleasure Kíli,” He wanted to make a joke; say that Kíli would have been too stupid to figure it out by himself. But this moment was not for jokes. Kíli needed comfort. He put his arm around his brother’s shoulder. Kíli smiled and leaned in. They sat like this for a while, their arms wrapped around each other. Kíli leaned in close and rubbed his young beard onto Fíli’s neck. 

“Um... Fíli,” He whispered. “There’s something I’ve never told you.” 

“What do you mean?” Fíli asked. 

“Its something that happened years ago...” Kíli looked down. “I... do not know where to being.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG CLIFFHANGER BITCHES!!! New chapter on Wednesday.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kíli reveals his secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took so long. I really wasn't sure if I wanted to post this.

Fíli waited. He tried not to push his brother, but it was hard. He was worried. He thought he knew all of Kíli's secrets, they always told each other everything. They had shared a room since Kíli was one year old. But if this fortnight had taught him anything it was that everyone had secrets, even if they did not know what those secrets were. Eventually Fíli had to talk. 

"What is it Kíli?" He asked. Kíli did not reply, or even move. "Please Kíli you're scaring me." Kíli turned towards him. Tears ran down his face, silent frightening tears. Fíli did not know what to do. How do you comfort someone who never cried? 

"Do you remember when we were children Fíli?" Kíli said in a hoarse whisper. "When those orc packs kept attacking our home?" Fíli remembered it well. 

For over seven months the dwarven villages were subject to senseless carnage and murder every single night. The warriors managed to hold back most of them, but the attacks were too frequent and their numbers were too few to hold them back. Fíli remembered spending every night hiding deep inside the caves, his mother hugging him close to her chest and hearing the screams outside. Sometimes the nightmares still haunted him. The only comfort for him at that time was that Kíli had not been around for most of it. After the first week all of the small children had been evacuated and taken to stay with a mortal man. He had lived somewhere near Sarn Ford in a large house and vowed to keep them safe. For all of Dís's begging Fíli had not been allowed to go, being declared 'a year too old.' 

"I remember it well Kíli," Fíli replied eventually. "I missed you. I missed you so much." 

"I missed you too Fíli," Said Kíli. Without looking up he reached over and clasped his brother's hand. Fíli held the hand in his, wanting to comfort his brother but not wanting to interrupt the confession. 

"As much as I missed you," Fíli continued. "I was glad you were safe. It would have been worse if you were there, a lot more frightening."

"I was not safe Fíli," Said Kíli. His voice was quite. Fíli had to get in closer just to hear him. "I was safe from the hands of the orcs, but I was not safe." Those words sent a chill down Fíli's spine and he felt his skin prickle in fear.

“Please Kíli,” Said Fíli. “Just tell me what happened.” Kíli pinched the bridge of his nose. The world around him was spinning. He was glad that Varya had filled him with liqueur. It seemed he would finally have the courage to voice his most shameful secret. 

“The man was not as kind to us as you have all been told,” He began. “In fact he... Was not kind at all. He made us all stay in this one room in the basement. It was so small; we had to sleep in one big pile. It smelt horrible and it was always dark, it was worse than a prison cell. But... Being in that room was not as terrifying as... being let out of it.” For the first time in years Kíli let tears fall openly down his face. It was then Fíli realised. When he was a child, Kíli did not always cry but he cried when he had cause for it. When he hurt himself, when father had been away with trades for a while or if he had a nightmare and needed Fíli’s comfort. In spite of the situation Fíli smiled remembering his little brother climbing into his bed and snivelling into his side, desperate to be embraced. But when he came to them after the raids had ended something changed. He became quite and distant, hardly speaking a word to anyone. He remained like this for about a year. Afterwards things got better, he began to laugh and play again, running around with his brother and their friends. He came to Fíli at night again or when he just needed a hug. But he did not cry. He never cried. 

“He was a sick man,” Kíli continued. “He would come to the room every night and take one of us with him. There was no point in struggling, he had guards, and anyone who showed even a trace of resistance got the shit beaten out of them. He did not go me really, at first he only took the girls. But there were so few of them... I suppose he got bored of them.” Fíli stayed still. He felt sick. He was actually scared that he might empty his stomach all over the tavern floor.

“Kíli what happened?” He asked. His hand trembled around Kíli’s. “Please. Tell me what he did?” 

“He only took me away once,” Said Kíli. “But it was the worst night of my life.” Here he had to stop. Just for a small moment as a few sobs escaped. “If we screamed then it would get worse... if we cried...” His face fell into his hands as he tried to block out the terrifying memory. Fíli stayed silent. This was beyond anything he could have imagined. Any horror Kíli could have spoken of would have been easier to hear at this moment. “I thought that was the reason why I did not want girls to touch me, why I could not react to Arya. But now... is this why I want men to touch me?” 

“No Kíli,” Fíli said instantly. “Not at all. Never think that!” He grabbed his brother harshly forcing him to look at him. “Do you think the other boys he tortured like girls, if they do, because a cruel man put them off men? Please Kíli, do not think this way. Please.” He pulled his brother into his arms as they lay down together on the bed. “I love you Kíli,” Fíli whispered as his brother wept in his arms for the first time in years.

*****

“It was the first time I ever told anyone,” Kíli said softly, swirling his whiskey round in the glass. “Afterwards I felt... Well... peaceful.” 

“You would do,” Varya replied. “Holding onto pain never heals it. It’s better to get things out. I find it hard to believe you managed to keep that to yourself for so long.”

“I was just a child Varya,” Said Kíli. “I did not know what to say. But... I did take comfort in knowing that Fíli did not have to endure the same... Not that I could ever tell him that.” 

“That’s noble of you lad,” Varya said with a smile, reaching for his tobacco. “It’s obvious that you care for him very much. And, well I’m proof he cares for you.” They both had to laugh. “Do you mind if I smoke?” Varya asked. Kíli shook his head.

“Why would I?”

“Some of my customers do not like the smell,” Said Varya lighting his pipe. “And at the end of it all it’s about giving them a perfect evening.” 

“Oh of course,” Kíli giggled. “Sorry, I forgot what it was you actually do for a while there. I suppose it must be strange, me paying you to hear me whine.” Varya just shrugged. 

“It’s better than the alternative I’ll be honest with you,” He said. “I’d rather listen to a young boy lay his heart than have a fat old bastard pummel into my arse for two hours.” He grimaced and took a large swig of whiskey. 

“What!” Kíli exclaimed. Varya remembered Kíli’s inexperience and looked to the ground, blushing slightly despite his many years of service to the brothel. 

“Sorry Kíli,” He said. “That should not have been how you heard it but, yes that it’s how men make love to one another.” Varya hated that phrase. It had been a while since he had ‘made love.’ But he had scared Kíli enough at this stage. 

“And... Does it hurt?” Kíli did not actually look as terrified as Varya had expected him to. His eyes were gorgeous and large as usual but remained at there usual size. In fact he looked nothing but extremely curious. 

“Well yes,” Said Varya. “It can hurt, especially the first time. But with time and preparation it can feel incredibly nice. Wonderful even.” Kíli paused thinking over the information. He had defiantly had too much whiskey. 

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” He said. “My uncle is leading us home tomorrow. But Fíli says he will probably return soon. He’s here tonight you know, somewhere here. I guess he likes it here.” 

“Well he has become some form of a regular,” Varya replied with a laugh. Kíli smiled politely but did not really want to think about something like that. 

“But tonight,” Kíli continued, leaving his brother and his habits behind. “Maybe we could... well.” Varya finished his drink and took Kíli’s hands in his. 

“Are you sure Kíli?” He said. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Kíli simply smirked and grabbed Varya’s beard roughly. 

“It’s what I’ve paid you for isn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I was taking it too far this time. But after reading several random fics on this site I realised its already gone there a few times.


	5. Final Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kíli gives up his flower and Fíli fears the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter! Its been years since I've written any smut but after whining at ThornyHedge and ButterBalls I figured I should get back into it.

Varya looked down at Kíli lying beneath him. It was always a complement to have his customers in need. The youth was as naked as the day he was born and as hard as a diamond. He lowered his head and continued his talents, running his tongue up the underside of Kíli’s penis before lapping at the sensitive head. 

“Oh Varya,” The Dúrin boy gasped, reaching out and grabbing his hair, forcing him downwards. “That’s it!” Varya allowed himself to be pushed, taking Kíli deep into the back of his throat. Kíli arched up, thrusting into the whore’s throat, cursing in Khuzdul. With his other hand Varya pulled a vial of oil out from underneath the mattress. 

“This is going to feel strange at first,” He said, pulling off Kíli and giving him a few gentle tugs. “But just relax; I know what I’m doing.

“I trust you Varya,” Kíli cried out. “Please touch me!” Varya smiled. He felt a strange sense of affection for Kíli. He had never really had a family. He was an only child and his parents had died in an orc raid when he was sixteen. As a small child he was sent to live in a shelter but ran away when he was Kíli’s age. Now, eight years later his life wasn’t any better. It was either work here with a warm room and three meals a day, along with free ale each night at the bar, or living on the street begging. Luckily he had lost his shame at some point. But he looked at Kíli and his brother and it made his heart smile. To see two brothers, so close and so devoted to each other; he was torn between envy for a life he never had and admiration for their bond.

Varya lowered his head and took Kíli back into his throat to distract him as he ran his oil-coated fingers down the cleft of his arse. Kíli arched his hips upwards to give Varya more room as his slick finger entered his body. 

“Are you alright?” Varya asked. Kíli nodded quickly, his eyes tight shut. “Speak to me Kíli.”

“Yes,” Kíli replied. “It feels strange but, it’s fine. I’m fine.” Kíli pushed down onto Varya’s finger. Varya added another and twisted them inside of the youth. He moved them around, searching for that special spot. He knew he found it when the prince bucked up, screaming into the night. 

“Dúrin!” He yelled. “What was that?” 

“Proof that Mahal wanted men to fuck each other,” Varya explained, stroking the spot. Kíli whimpered and grasped at the sheets, his legs quivering as he wrapped them around Varya. There was nothing in his life that had prepared him for this moment. He remembered when Fíli and himself were a little younger, how Thorin had told them about coupling and bonding. He had failed to warn his sister-sons about the intense euphoria that was now coursing through Kíli’s veins. He felt as if his body was coated in a thick layer of sweat and every time Varya’s fingers moved within him he saw the stars and the skies appear before him. 

Varya knew that Kíli was close, seeing the signs he had noted the night before. He got up onto his knees and grasped his own cock to get himself hard. No matter what kind of client he happened to be entertaining, his thoughts never changed here. 

Ana. A beautiful barmaid who worked at the tavern across the street. She was perfect, with long blonde hair, beautiful green eyes and those large fantastic tits! He loved to talk to her, especially when he made her laugh. She would always throw her head back, tossing her hair over her shoulders and showing all her pearly white teeth. It was a shame really that only girls down on their luck took care of their teeth these days. But she would look beautiful if each one was rotting to its core. Within minutes he was hard and ready for Kíli. His system never failed. Varya rubbed some of the oil on his cock and positioned himself at Kíli’s entrance.

“Are you ready?” Varya asked, rubbing against Kíli’s sweet spot once more before removing his fingers. 

“Yes,” Kíli gasped. “Please Varya.” 

“You do not have to say my name Kíli,” Said Varya. “You can think of whoever you want.” 

“Not this time Varya,” Kíli cried out. “I am your apprentice this time. Show me how to make love Varya.” Varya nodded and pushed Kíli’s legs upwards. 

“This will hurt at first,” He reminded Kíli. “But try to relax.” Kíli nodded and took a deep breath. Varya gently pushed himself slowly into Kíli’s entrance. Kíli gasped and bit his lip hard, his face contorting in such a way Varya did not know if he was enjoying himself or if he was in horrible pain. “Are you alright?” Varya asked. 

“Yes,” Kíli said in a quick breath. “It hurts a little but I’m alright. Keep going. Please keep going.” Varya pushed in a little deeper, watching Kíli’s face for any signs of pain. Kíli reached out and grasped at Varya’s shoulders, trying to force him further inside himself. 

“No Kíli,” Varya said shrugging Kíli’s hands off him. “This is for you Kíli. Do not touch me. Just feel.” He pushed the rest of himself inside the tight channel and he could not help but moan. Any man could appreciate a nice hot arse. He began to thrust gently, aiming for Kíli’s spot. 

“Mahal!” Kíli cried. “It feels so good Varya, so good.” 

“Yes Kíli,” Said Varya, “It should do.” His thrusts sped up and he spread his hands over Kíli’s chest, pinching at his nipples. “Is this is Kíli?” He whispered into his ear. “Is this what you have needed, what you have missed? How does it feel having another man deep inside your ass like this?” Kíli did not seem capable of forming real words. He threw back his yellow hair and clawed at Varya’s shoulders, ignoring his command not to touch him. Varya hissed as the long nails dug into his soft flesh. He sped up his thrusts, wanting to give Kíli release in more ways than one. He thrust hard into Kíli’s prostate, the youth raising his hips up further each time. 

Finally Kíli clenched around his cock, throwing his golden hair back and crying out into the night. Varya did not know if it was that name of a God, a word of encouragement or if he was trying to say his name. His seed exploded in-between them coating his stomach. 

Varya smiled softly and pulled himself out of the young Dúrin. Kíli look so adorable, lying spent and exhausted over his bed. His desperate breaths slowed down and he sighed contently into the pillow, drifting off to sleep. Varya went into his wash room and retrieved a damp cloth. Carefully he washed the youth, cleaning the sticky come off his abdomen. He hoped to Valar the young dwarf would not regret losing his virginity in this way. Not that it would be the last time for the charming boy, he was so pretty. He could have any man he ever wanted. 

Varya went back into the wash room and wrapped his hand around his unspent cock. He let Ana’s beautiful face appear in his mind as he pulled himself to completion...

****

Fíli smiled to himself as he wondered out into the night. The ‘brothel’ excuse had worked as well with his little brother as it did with his Uncle. Although he was not entirely sure why he had felt the need to lie to Kíli. 

Part of him had wanted to tell Kíli about Ana but, since the relationship had recently ended, he no longer saw the point. Ana and Fíli had been sleeping together for almost a year now. Fíli liked Ana, quite a bit, but he did not love her. He loved fucking her but he was not so much of a scumbag that he thought that was the same thing. Besides, he knew Ana felt the same way.

They had discussed their feelings towards each other, at length, last night after he had taken Kíli to see Varya. They had agreed to stop the romantic nature of their relationship but have one last night together. Fíli would have slept with her last night but he wanted to get back his rented room before Kíli did. Now he headed towards Ana’s tavern to meet her. 

He did think briefly that he should not go after what Kíli had told him last night, he thought that he should again wait in the room for him. Fíli shuddered thinking about what he had heard. It was still making his nauseous. He had a strong feeling in his heart that it was wrong to go and enjoy himself after hearing such a devastating confession. But on the other hand, Kíli was probably having sex himself tonight and, since it was his last chance to see Ana, Kíli would probably understand if he returned to an empty room. 

Ana had told him to wait for her in the room she rented on the top floor of the tavern. She would meet him there when she finished work for the night. Fíli had already spent most of his evening drinking at the tavern where he had been staying with his Uncle and the rest of the fighters. Now he felt just the right amount of drunk. At least he hoped he was. The last thing he wanted to do right now was say something stupid or upset Ana in anyway. He was determined not to say any more than he had to. 

Fíli lay down on Ana’s bed, his arms and legs spread out. This was his life. It was strange to him, how easy it was to find a woman to spend the night with – especially in towns like this! More often than not they were human women as opposed to dwarves. Ana was a rarity: A beautiful, young and unmarried dwarf-maid; who for some reason had chosen him for a whole year. But there was that unwritten rule, the one Kíli had reminded him of when he came to their room after his bad evening with Arya. If a woman sleeps with you, you probably won’t marry her. 

The strange thing was that if it was not for Thorin than he probably would not be too concerned with finding a wife. It was Thorin constantly reminding him, with nothing but his stare, that if he was going to be King someday, he would need to have an heir. Fíli did not know a lot about Thorin’s past, or at least the romantic side of it. He did not know if Thorin had ever had a lover of any kind or if he ever intended on taking one. Thorin had had his sister, Fíli and Kíli’s mother, as a scapegoat. He had not needed to have a son of his own when he had his strong sister-sons to name as his heirs. He doubted now that he would have the same security in Kíli. 

Even if Kíli found his one he did not know if he would have any children. If Kíli really wanted to be a Father he could maybe adopt an orphaned dwarf child, Mahal knew there were enough of them about, but he did not know what the people would think about one without Dúrin’s blood ruling over them. Especially if Thorin lived up to his promise of taking back Erebor. If. 

Fíli sat up suddenly and shook his head. He could not believe what he had been thinking. It had been hard for Kíli to accept the idea that he could like men and it would be even harder for him to come to terms with it or put it into practice- outside a brothel. And here he was thinking about how much pressure it would put on himself in the distant future. 

Fíli tried not to think about what his Uncle would say about Kíli when or if his brother told him the truth. Thorin had never really spoken about such things so Fíli did not know if he had an opinion, accepting or judgemental. He was worried about it since Thorin seemed so devoted to keeping a perfect image, making sure everyone knew that his blood-line was still strong despite losing their home. He respected his Uncle, he really did, but he loved his little brother with all his heart. 

If Thorin or anybody else had a bad word to say about Kíli – Well Fíli would make sure it was the last word they ever said. And bugger the consequences! 

Just as Fíli concluded that he really was much drunker than he thought he was the door finally opened and his lover stood before him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See those random OCs were totally relevant! This is the last part of this series but their will be an epilogue up in the next few days (I mean it this time!) 
> 
> But if anyone really enjoyed this I could let you all know what happens next...


	6. Epilouge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kíli finally tells his parents and his Uncle who he really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember the beginning of this.. Yeah that bit, the only bit that was relevant to the Challenge I was sent. Well this is what happened.

Kíli paced up and down the room slowly, chewing on the skin of his thumb and doing whatever he could to avoid eye contact with any of his elders- including his brother and best friend. 

“Kíli?” His father said slowly. 

“Yes,” Kíli replied. He sped up slightly, his eyes still content with their view of the floor. 

“You had something you wanted to say...” Said Dís. She reached over and grasped her husband’s hand, squeezing it tightly. Fíli glanced up. He saw the fear in his mother’s eyes. He hoped she would be relieved. If Kíli could bloody well grow-up and remember how to speak! Uncle Thorin however remained calm and steady, sitting patiently and waiting for Kíli to finish, as if Kíli had only been keeping them five seconds as opposed to five minutes. 

“Well... I-I suppose I do have... something,” Kíli stammered. He moaned to himself and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was not going well. He wished the Earth could swallow him up or that the Maker could just open up the floor and take him now, sparing him this embarrassment and fear. There was no possible way that this could go well. 

Almost suddenly a warm hand reached up, like the hand of a guarding spirit and clasped Kíli’s, pulling it down from his face. His brother’s hand was warm against his own and he squeezed back, entwining their fingers together. 

“Just tell them Kíli,” Fíli whispered, leaning in close to his little brother’s ear. He brushed his hair out of his gorgeous eyes once more and caressed his youthful beard tenderly. “I am here Kíli. Tell them.” Kíli smiled in spite of himself and leaned in close. He wrapped his arms around Fíli, pulling him in for a strong embrace. He did not know what his elders thought was going on, nor could he imagine their faces as they watched their sons, or sister-sons, embracing like it was the last time they ever would. 

Finally Kíli sighed and pulled away, nodding slightly at his brother. Fíli stepped to the side but did not let go of his little brother’s hand. To Kíli it felt like a promise.   
“What I am trying to say,” Kíli began again, this time with a lot more confidence. “Is that... I’m... Well I...” Kíli realised that he had no idea how to word this. He really had not thought his through! 

“Oh Kíli,” Dís whispered quietly. Every drop of blood left Kíli’s face and he felt a warm fear start in his chest. His mother started laughing! It was not loud, or indeed cheerful, but it was defiantly a laugh. She threw her long dark hair back and stretched her hand out, beckoning her youngest son closer. Kíli cautiously stepped forward and took his mother’s hand, still refusing to let go of his brother’s. Fíli however did let go, opting instead to rest his hand on Kíli’s shoulder. 

“I think I know what this is about,” Dís said quietly. “So stop being so terrified. And just come out with it. Alright baby?” Kíli nodded, biting his lower lip. He did not know if he should feel relieved or more fearful.

“I...” He said again. “I have no wish to marry. There is no woman I love, nor will there ever be a woman I love. I am instead drawn to men and may one day take a man as my One.” 

“Oh thank Aulё!” Dís exclaimed, throwing away her son’s hand and clutching her chest. She allowed herself a moment, slightly out of breath, relief washing through her. When she eventually looked up she saw the same look of confusion on her sons, husband and older brother. “What?” She asked. “I thought he had given some poor girl a child! Of course I am relieved!” Dís looked into Kíli’s big blue eyes, her own widening as full realisation dawned. 

She looked at her husband, her brother and then her oldest son. They all seemed to be waiting for her to speak. Kíli panicked and began to chew on his thumb again. The silence was killing him. Finally Dís stood up. 

“Kíli?” She said taking his hands in hers. “Is this what you really want? Who you really are?” Kíli nodded. “Well then...” She looked at her husband once more. “There’s not a lot we can do about that.” Her husband just looked at his son and shrugged. Kíli’s heart sank. 

But before he could turn around and make his way to Bree, Dís grasped him and pulled her son into a crushing embrace. She rocked her baby boy in her arms and stroked his long yellow hair. 

“I love you baby,” She whispered into his ear. With that she kissed his cheek and stepped away smiling. 

*****

“So I guess we will not be heading to Bree?” Fíli asked with a smile, draping his arm over Kíli’s shoulder. Kíli laughed and wrapped an arm around his brother’s waist in kind. 

“I suppose we cannot deny that it went better than I had expected,” Said Kíli. “I can be grateful for that.” 

“Boys,” Came a deep and familiar voice. Both brothers went stiff for a moment. Fíli could feel Kíli’s nerves return as he tensed up. Slowly they both turned around and met their Uncles piercing gaze. Fíli let go of his brother but stared hard into Thorin’s eyes. 

“Yes Thorin?” Fíli asked, trying his best to keep his voice steady. 

“I just wanted to say something to Kíli,” Thorin replied. His stare turned and targeted the younger Dúrin. Fíli grasped Kíli’s hand again; this time for the sake of his thumb! “I just wanted to say Kíli... I’m proud of you.” The brothers looked at each other then back at their Uncle. “It must have taken a lot of heart to tell the truth like that. I appreciate it and so does your mother.” For a while there was nothing but silence. 

“Thank-you Uncle,” Kíli said cautiously, as if Thorin was threatening to take his words back. Thorin smiled and ruffled Kíli’s hair. It was a simple gesture, yet somehow full of significance. What is was significant of, Kíli did not yet know. As they saw their Uncle stride away the brothers looked at each other. Large smiles broke out on their youthful faces. 

“Well that certainly is encouraging,” Said Fíli, his voice filled with light-hearted sarcasm. “I spend years training to be one of his warriors, working long hours at the forge and patrolling all through the night; all without the tiniest word of praise! You take up buggery-“

“Fíli!” Kíli exclaimed, cuffing his brother over the head. He had tried to sound offended, but his large grin and playful eyes betrayed that he had taken his brother’s words in jest. 

Fíli once again placed his arm around Kíli’s shoulders and lead him down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well wasn't that sweet? I hope you all enjoyed this because it had encouraged several sernarios in my head-cannon. And I can't promise that they are all PG-Rated.


End file.
